When I was 6 I thought when I am as old as the ones from sixth grade then it will all be different.
When I was 12 I thought when I am as old as the ones from high school then it really will be different.
When I was 16 I thought nobody knows as much as I do (especially not my parents) and it doesn’t have to get any different because I already know everything better.
When I was 18 it wasn’t as different as I expected.
And now I am thinking again when I get to my 30ies then everything will be different. You just go from one expectation to another expectation caused by a number on your passport. Sometimes you don’t even know anymore where or from whom those expectations came from. But they are there.
Last year then, all the things I planned were suddenly on hold. You couldn’t fulfill the expectations you directed at yourself because of a world pandemic.
You had to stay home and do nothing.
At first, I felt panic and discomfort but after two months there was also relief and calm in me.
You couldn’t jump from event to event like always.
You couldn’t talk about the next year because you didn’t know what was going to happen. Suddenly you were in the here and now.
You couldn’t lose yourself in a stream of thoughts like ‘what is going to happen in five years' or ‘if I’m not doing that right now it could be too late’.
You just started the day like when you were little without knowing how the next week is going to be – without a schedule.
So I decided to create an edit about the interaction between my child self and my teenage self.
Maybe it doesn’t always have to get different. Maybe you also have to appreciate and keep things just how they are.